2010.

Woah, it has been over 2 months since I've updated! I am definitely not as dedicated to this blog as I was last year. Is it because I have less to say? I'm more busy? I'm less reflective? Who knows.

2010 has had a great start thus far. I spend the holidays with my sister in Philly, and just came back from a ridic huge and extended family reunion in Panama. Midterms have successfully been completed, and I am in the midst of grading them (not so fun, but what can you do).

I love the start of a new semester. On Monday, I will be working with my students on self-assessment and reflection of the first semester, and goal setting for the second semester. In my own self-reflection, I have realized that I've put much more time and effort into streamlining and developing my freshman curriculum than my sophomore curriculum thus far this year. I guess you can't fix everything at the same time, but I am feeling as though I could be doing more for my 10th graders. Perhaps I will include that as one of my goals for the upcoming semester.

One of my goals from the beginning of this school year has been to take more time for myself at home and not focus so much on doing work all the time. So far it's been great, except that I feel that my productivity has severly decreased when I am outside of the school building. I feel that I can rarely get motivated to do work at home, so I need to strike a balance between "me time" and "wasting time". Another goal for the upcoming semester...?

ASAP...

... I need a vacation. It's been a rough week and a half. I am exhausted.

What a difference a year can make

It's been about 6 weeks of the new school year, and I have to say that being in your second year of teaching is SO MUCH DIFFERENT than being in your first year.

I feel like I have established a [positive] reputation for myself at school and that kids know what to expect in my classroom. I feel like my former freshmen that are now sophomores know what I want them to be able to do in terms of writing and class discussion, and that they are fulfilling this to my expectations.

I also feel like I still don't quite have a management/organizational/course structure plan in place that I am in love with. I know that 2nd year is much easier than 1st year, but I am also realistic in understanding that I am still growing, learning, and discovering how to be effective as well as how to actually enjoy what I'm doing and feel good about what I bring to the table. [And I really am enjoying teaching much more this year than last year. The increase in confidence and knowledge of my subject matter is tremendous.]

:)

Limited Time

While in a professional development seminar last week re: curriculum mapping, our speaker did a brief comparison to the amount of days/hours that American children spend in school versus students in other countries, most notably Japan. I don't remember specific numbers, but I do know that is was glaringly obvious how must less time we (Americans) spend in school with students, with all of our extended holidays, early dismissals, snow days, hurricane days, etc.

Taking this into consideration as I am planning my first few weeks of school, I am torn about how to deal with the first days, particularly days 1 and 2. I need to get through my course policies and syllabus, but I would also like to spend some time getting to know my students. My syllabus is rather lengthy due to the culture of the school that I am in (it is expected that you have a very thorough document in order to CYA), and it will take me about 40-45 mins total to cover all of the material.

This leaves me with a question: Do I speed through the syllabus and do 1 activity in the remaining 20 or so minutes, and then start with course material on day 2? Or do I take 2 sixty-minute class periods to go through my syllabus in chunks, while doing a variety of activities and games to get to know my students?

When the US already has stunted school years, is there really enough time to spend 2 whole class days on getting-to-know-you games? Or if I rush through the first day and don't take a whole lot of time to familiarize myself with my students as individuals, am I going to regret it later when I haven't really fostered the bonds and relationships I would like to have throughout the year?

Also... any fun/interesting/relevant icebreaker game suggestions? :)

And we're down to a week...

After my super-motivated post counting the 18 remaining days... I am now realizing that 11 of those remaining days have passed with minimal work being completed. Additionally, my to-do list has [naturally] increased over these days. [Why is it that I feel as though I've accomplished something by ADDING to my to-do list? I write more bullet-points and admire them with a sense of satisfaction at my "organization"... but how many actually get crossed off??]

There are some pretty negative emotions surrounding my school as teachers are flitting back to start the fall sports seasons and get set up for next year. I hope that I can remain positive admist the negative energy, and focus on my students instead of school drama and politics. [Is this possible?]

I really really need to hunker down this week and get more things out of the way because I am sure that next week will be full of curriculum mapping, department meetings, and administrative speeches. Yipes... almost time to start year #2!






... on a side note.... i just went through some old posts from this past year. Man. I am realizing now that I may have been dealing with all of that self-doubt and negativity because I refused to allow myself to see the successes and see the positive things.

New Year Resolution: do not allow yourself to get bogged down by day-to-day minor issues, and focus instead of large-scale, big-picture successes and positive stories. Time to start fresh.

18 and counting

• There are officially 18 more days of summer. Instead of lamenting, I am celebrating... for a variety of reasons:
  
  1) I have the latest possible reporting day... which means more summer for me!
  

2) I am finally getting into the groove of doing prep work for school stuff, which not only makes me feel accomplished admist the many hours I have spent so leisurely this summer, but it also makes me excited to start a new year fresh.

3) I have so many things to be thankful for as we start a new year: a j.o.b. [that I love], super-amazing colleagues, and supportive and loving family and friends.

4) I am [almost] ready to get back in the swing of a regularly scheduled lifestyle.

Some food for thought as I revamp my syllabi, re-think assignments and lesson plans, and develop more efficient and organized systems for myself:

1) Sharing a room with other teachers proves difficult to create your "own space". Not only is the room not technically "yours", it's also usually VERY full of your roommate's stuff, since, of course, the room is "theirs". It's hard to make your own areas and stake a claim, but I have one new roommate this year who will most likely be able to carve out a little area for me in her room. As for my other roommate [yes, I have two roommates]... I am pretty sure he doesn't care what I do, however his room is full of his own stuff. This is a daunting tast, but I am considering investing in some small carts to create a little "station" in each room where I'll have random supplies and a little filing area for handouts, packets, etc.

2) I would like to re-work the way that I go about checking homework notes and otherwise ensuring that my students complete homework without actually having to turn it in. Thanks to technology, it has become easier for students to take hw notes on their laptops, email said hw notes to friends, who then earn credit for work they did not complete on their own. Since there is no way for me to accurately spot check this to ensure that this practice is not occurring, my only option is to collect notes EVERY DAY and read EVERY ONE of them. This will not happen. I could also quiz my students on a semi-constant basis... but who wants to do that? I don't want to drill and kill, nor do I want to check 90+ quizzes every week. Suggestions for dealing with this issue are welcome :)

3) I would also like to be more technologically savvy within my classroom walls this year. I am lucky that my school is very tech-inclined, in that we have a wireless system, every student is required to have a laptop, and SmartBoards and LCD projectors are extremely accessible. However... I want my kids to be interacting with tech in more engaging and interesting ways than just watching me do crap on a SmartBoard. I did some podcasting this year, and it went over well, but I think some of the value of the projects was lost in the excitement to actually make the podcast. I think I will attempt to bring blogs and wikis in this year... not quite sure how yet. I guess that is what I will be working on for the next 18 days! :)

Picture Cred

Backward Design... how I love thee...

I forgot how much I love Backward Design.

I'm going back through my units from last year and making sure that I have concrete and clear objectives and goals for each unit of study. Then I'll go back over individual lessons and rework, redesign, and create anew. I hope that this better prepares me for the upcoming year.

I feel refreshed :)

It's already July!!

I cannot believe that July has already arrived. Happy birthday, America. You've given me everything I could have ever wanted in a country. As much as people get pissy and whiny and loud-mouthed about all the "terrible" things in this country, I think we all take forgranted sometimes the fact that we actually have the ability for others to hear our pissy moaning thanks to the wonders of free speech and advanced technology. I love America.


Some summer updates:

• 2009-2010 contracts were finally mailed to us on June 30th, the day our 2008-2009 contracts ended. It was nerve-wracking that the school took that long, but what can you do? In this economy, private schools are struggling too, just like the auto industry. I am looking forward to another year there to work on my practice and develop as an educator. I am also recognizing more and more each day that this is not my "forever" school. (The fact that opening my work email makes me nauseated in and of itself tells me that a new school is on the horizon for me in the next few years.) Don't get me wrong, I had a great experience this year: I have wonderful colleagues and love what I'm teaching. But the overall environment is not where I envision myself in the long-run. More on that another day, perhaps.
  

• I'm attending a few workshops in the coming weeks for social studies teachers, so that should be interesting and hopefully useful for my classes next year, if not just for the growth of my personal knowledge. Teachers should always be students.

• I have many many projects for myself this summer to be better organized personally and curricularly for next year. I have lots of things to think about in regards to how I manage my class, the types of assessments I require of my students, and how I would like a typical week to be structured. There are many things that you can't really anticipate in preparing for your first year, like how much homework is enough (depending on the expectations of your school) or how to adapt your teaching style to the culture of the school, or even how to allow students to use the bathroom during class. The bathroom thing sounds stupid, but I seriously had an issue with that this year... and I think my way of handling it was a little juvinile for 9th grade, and a little too lax for 10th grade. So, needless to say my summer to-do list is very long, and I have yet to start it. 4th of July weekend was my "deadline" for enjoying a work-free summer. So now it's time to start. I'm actually looking forward to it, though :)

Happy summer!

End of the year...

Finals are done. Grades are submitted. Personal student comments are due on Friday.

I can't believe my first year of teaching is OVER. I am relieved and excited, and not at all sad or nostalgic like I was expecting to be. It is time for summer.

I wish I had the energy to really reflect on my first year, but I'll save that for another day.

:)

Generation vs. Affluence vs. My Own Ignorance?

Yesterday was a really great day that turned really bad.

I have many paper conferences scheduled with my sophomores, as their 2nd research paper is due this Friday. Yesterday I met with 2 young men who needed some help with the structure and analysis of their papers. Both of them told me how much I helped them, and how much I have taught them about how to write a history research paper. *beam*

And then I heard about 3 instances that pretty much made me lose all faith in teenagers:

• One girl asked to move a quiz because she got back from a tennis tournament at 10p. I found out later that she actually got back at 6p. Do I seriously need a note to corroborate a story every time some kid gives me an excuse?
• One boy has apparently been hanging around another class while he "goes to the bathroom/locker" during my class. I am SURE he is not the only one. I have gone out on a LIMB for this kid SO MANY TIMES. What the heck.
• 2 freshmen girls apparently complain daily about how stupid they think I am and about how they could "teach themselves" better than I am teaching them. One currently has an 85% and the other, a 75%. Apparently being "only 8 years older" than them is more indicative of my knowledge and ability than my 2 college degrees.

I am unsure about where this comes from. Why do kids think that this type of behavior is acceptable? Where in the world are they learning this disrespect?

Is it a generational thing? Is this just how kids "are" today? Is the generational gap SO HUGE between them and me? I don't remember kids being this cruel and disrespectful to adults, but maybe I was just extremely naive and didn't realize that kids actually were this way when I was in high school. Maybe I was brought up to respect adults and didn't ever even consider putting one toe out of line. Maybe kids today are just brought up with a sense of entitlement that comes from... who knows where??

Does it have to do with affluence? Kids walk around this school all the time bragging and boasting about how they got a new Mercedes for their 16th birthday, or how their house was featured on some MTV teen "cribs" show, or how their grandparents just got some memorial named after them due to a huge donation. This is exactly the reason I was concerned about coming to this school in particular. These kids have no concept of reality and are severely lacking some moral values. Life is not about money... at least not for me. I get so frustrated being around people who DO value money over other things, like kindness, respect, empathy... they are not the type of people I want to surround myself with. And yet here I am. Are these kids' affluent lives causing them to lash out in a wave of disrespect?

Or am I just ignorant to the fact that I may not be demanding respect? How do I do this? I always thought that when you give respect, you get respect. What else can I do for these kids? I respect them by believing what they tell me is true, and they take advantage of me. I respect them by carefully preparing and planning lessons to engage and educate them, and they insult my intelligence. Do I need to be a hard-nosed "mean" teacher for kids to have respect for me? What does it take?!

People keep telling me that "this is just how it is here for your first year... or two." I don't accept that excuse. Kids are being a-holes and someone needs to call them out. Apparently their parents aren't doing it. I AM SICK OF IT.

Not a good day for me. :( My confidence and morale is shot. I am ready for the year to be over.

Uh oh.

I think I am starting to become jaded.

I actually called in sick today. I am not sick.

I have had a crappy 1.5 weeks, and I think it's just me taking things personally and being a pissy brat. I'm letting little things bother me and seeing only negative things that my kids say and do. What is going on? Is it just because it's spring and almost the end of the year? Or is it more than that? Am I cut out for this? Blah.

I need some inspiration.

To Grade or Not to Grade

Grading is the only part of teaching that I do not enjoy. I always leave things until the night before I want to hand them back, and then stare at the pile with very little motivation.

I told my sophomores that they would get their tests back tomorrow. As I am looking at my pile of 30+ tests (including short answer + essay!) and glancing at the clock, I wonder... what is more important? Keeping my promise and being semi-prompt with my grading? Or going to bed and getting some sleep, despite the fact that they took this test a week ago and still havent gotten their grades back?

Why do I feel guilt about this? Yes, teaching is my job. But it is not my LIFE. I am a much happier person if I get to bed before 11p... a deadline that is rapidly approaching. As educators, where do we draw the line? When is it ok to say "NO, I am not doing that right now", or should I always be striving to complete as much work as possible even when I am not at school?

I didn't start grading these tests until today due to the crap-ton of other work I have to do, however I feel obligated to finish tonight. I always think to myself that there was more I could have done over the weekend or during the day or at night.

How do I know if I'm doing enough or if I need to push myself more? Should I put a quota on time I allot for work? How do I know when I can say, "No, you're not getting your tests back today" and not feel bad about it?

I just had an "a-ha" moment!!

I have been putting lots of my energy towards stress lately. Stressing about what I'm doing in the classroom, whether or not it's good enough, whether or not my kids are liking my class, whether or not my kids are liking me.

I've accepted that this year is going to be an experimentation of pretty much everything.

But I haven't EMBRACED the supreme opportunity I have to do this experimentation!! I have what every first year teacher probably wants: the freedom to what whatever I want in the classroom (within reason) and try as many new things as possible. Wow. I am a lucky girl. :)

My freshmen are writing their own Greek tragedies and comedies today, and will be performing them next week. I've heard so many wonderful, creative ideas from them so far. I can't wait to see what they come up with. :)

Ok ok, maybe I overreacted...

After talking to C for about 45 minutes after school on Friday, I feel much better about the evaluations. C is really an amazing colleague -- who stays after school on a FRIDAY to deal with a sobbing first year teacher?? There are only 2 other females in my department (S and C) and both are graduates of SMAC! Both of them are so kind and supportive, and C is seriously my part-time therapist... I should start paying her.

Anyway, she told me that my evals were actually must more positive than I thought and that they reflected some good things to work on, which I knew already, and just needed to focus on instead of the bitter comments coming from 13 and 14 year olds. C also said that the question about respect was directed more towards the kids' peers... so they weren't really judging me, but instead judging one another. Regardless, something needs to be done about respect in my classroom.

In any event, I cried 3 more times last weekend and now have a better grip on myself. I'm excited for the extended weekend, because it will give me time to a) grade midterms... sick; b) see my sister in Philly... yay; c) internally regroup and get ready for Goal 3 (aka: marking period 3)... phew.

Thanks for the love and support everyone :)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I handed out school-mandated teacher evaluations to my students today. Damn, some kids are ruthless and vicious! Especially when they can be that way anonymously.

After spending about 20 minutes crying in my locked office, I've come to the acceptance that I need to use this as a tool for my own development. I didn't expect (or want) 100% satisfaction ratings, but I was honestly a little surprised. I feel that I am doing so much better this year than last year when I was student teaching. Apparently not.

Thanks to Chaz and Dee and the other fine educators of SMAC, I am always trying to be in the habit of self-reflection (hence the existence of this blog). I know I should ignore what some of the more ::ahem:: vocal students had to say about me and my teaching style, and therefore I also need to accept the fact that some things are just not my fault, such as:

1. These kids are not used to a 1st year teacher, and get pissed and indignant when I can't answer every single question, after which they render me as someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.
2. These kids are hypercritical of themselves and of their classmates, and consequently of their teachers as well (I believe is having high expectations of your educator, but let's be realistic folks). This is most likely a result of their university-preparatory environment and (many of) their home lives.
3. Teachers these days are just not given the same amount of respect as they used to.

Ok I may sound aged with #3 but I truly do believe it. In fact, as I was randomly looking for news articles to read after my sob-fest ended, I stumbled across this article.

While this article seems to focus more on a lack of societal respect of teachers, I am more concerned about the lack of respect my students are showing me. I will admit that at times, I look for a scapegoat to explain why I feel that my kids don't respect me (family values, socioeconomic class, science and math-driven students that see no value in the humanities, immaturity, etc.), but I do need to admit that I am definitely at least partly to blame. Maybe I don't present myself as someone to respect. But why is that? What is un-respectable about me? I guess I didn't really realize how bad other kids thought it was until these evaluations. (To put it in perspective... the issue in question was "Students respect the teacher" and they were asked to follow a ranking of 1-5. My average was a 3-4.) This is so hurtful and personal to me, because I try to instill in my students the importance of acceptance of others and respectful behavior. I feel that I treat EVERY SINGLE one of my students with respect. The fact that they don't respect me in return is like a knife in my heart. My chest actually hurts.

There were also some outlandish statements made that aren't even true. But again, I guess I have to chalk it up to age and semi-idiocy. And again, the fact that kids will take any chance to tear someone down anonymously.

Your first year teaching is so much harder than anyone ever tells you. Some days you think you're doing so great, and then you just get slapped in the face with people telling you that you suck and essentially need to find a new profession. This is so much more than a job. This is my heart and my soul. And I feel like they were both ripped to shreds today.

Today was bad. :(

One more week!

We are entering the week before holiday break. 5 more school days until 2 blissful weeks of freedom (except for massive amounts of grading and writing my mid-year exams). There are two major challenges to be faced this week:

• Holding the kids' attention and actually teaching
• Hanging on to my motivation for dear life

My sophs will be introducted to Gabcast this week, and my freshmen will be watching a homo-erotic documentary about the ancient Greeks and the first Olympics. That oughtta do it, don't you think?

Happy holidays everyone :)

Thanksgiving Haze

There is so much to be thankful for this year. In the times of economic hardship, particularly in this state, I am so so thankful to have a wonderful job that has kept me close to my wonderful family and wonderful boyfriend. While I am still itching to get to a new city, I am patiently awaiting his completion of grad school, and in the meantime am slightly spreading my wings and dabbling in my first year of teaching.



I really really needed Thanksgiving break. I returned this morning (early!), feeling rejuvinated and enthusiastic. The last few weeks have really bogged me down, and I know my students felt it. I needed the time away to clear my head and just BREATHE for a while. It's been a non-stop marathon, and I didn't know how to slow down. Now there are only 13 more school days until our next break, and I am totally revved and ready to go!



... except for some reason I can't get myself organized and on track tonight. I've been fiddling around, surfing the web and trying to find a new 9th grade textbook that I would like to use for next year.



Currently, our text is TERRIBLE. I hate it. The kids hate it. It's too wordy, hard to follow, no pictures, and honestly doesn't even say all that much. Some of my colleagues are convinced that there are no good textbooks out there that are the middle road. Apparently when it comes to 9th grade, the texts are either too difficult or too easy. But I will find one! I think I already have.



I LOVE this book. I have the larger volume with both ancient and modern world history combined into one text, thanks to M's generosity. I use it to supplement my horrible textbook all the time, and I am in love. It has great information that is detailed without getting unecessarily in depth; it has a variety of text features for the students to analyze (pictures, graphs, primary source excerpts, timelines, etc), and it is organized in an easy to follow way. This is my pick for 2008-2009. Will my colleagues go for it?? Stay tuned...

Quick Update

Hello all,

Well, the year is just flying by for me, as I am sure it is for all of you as well! I cannot believe we are just 2 weeks from Thanksgiving break.

I feel that my planning and instruction have been very disorganized this year... my alignment is just not quite fitting correctly. Not enough for my taste, anyway. I wonder if this is a 1st year thing, or maybe my stuff never aligned last year either?? Anyway, I need to be more dedicated to making sure that I properly backward design. I wonder if because I work in a private school without any "official" standards that I tend to forgo the traditional "start with the standards" technique I was taught and used (rather effectively, I thought) last year.

I am loving my kids though. I feel like I'm making deeper personal connections every day with them, which is so exciting for me. I'm connecting much more than I did last year during student teaching; maybe because I have my own classroom, and I started from the beginning? Maybe because I'm so much younger than all of the other teachers at school? Who knows. I've also been getting lots of compliments by different faculty members saying that their students rave about my class. Again, is this because I'm a new teacher? Or because my class is run rather openly without extreme structure that these kids are used to? Or because I'm actually challenging them academically? Who knows.

I don't miss MAC, but I do miss the people and the professors. I'm feeling nostalgic lately...

Holy crap it's almost November.

Lolo's most recent blogpost has got me thinking about the type of teacher I am becoming after having been at my school for almost 2 whole months.

I think I'm developing a bit of intolerance towards some of my students. Because the atmosphere at school tries so hard to promote personal responsibility within the students (good), I think that hearing so many teachers' opinions about not allowing students to turn in late work, or purposely making tests extremely hard to "test" students' attention to detail is starting to make me have not only unreal but also unfair expectations of my students.

It's not that I go out of my way to prevent my students from excelling in my class. I make myself available before school and during lunch every day to meet with students if they need extra help or want to talk about preparing for an upcoming test. And I try to develop personal relationships with my students by making time every day to have personal conversations with as many of them as I can.

But I haven't been very diligent about touching base with my students when I notice that they are slipping. Because they are DCD students, they should be "personally responsible for their own actions and mistakes". A good message, no? So how does that transfer to "If they don't turn it in, it's not problem"? Why am I catching myself developing this ideology about my students?

I think I just need to be more dedicated to being more visible and available. I also need to remember that kids are kids, especially 14 year old freshmen. They are going to forget their homework, and they're going to get caught up in HS drama and extracurriculars, and sometimes they won't get their work done. I just need to find that balance between empathy and expectations. Help finding that line would be much appreciated :)

Life Doesn't Hand You Do-Overs.

But sometimes I wish it would.

Can I go back to 3 weeks ago and start over? I did the exact thing I knew I would do and the #1 thing I wanted to avoid: I started off too easy and thus am struggling to rein it back it.

I know that every class has a different chemistry, and things that work for one class won't work for another. So why did I completely ignore that fact when it came to management? I guess I wanted to be consistent and fair. But "fair" does not mean "the same"... something I am also aware of. My 2nd block is about 3 steps from being out of control, and my 4th block is almost right behind them. So I will be experimenting with my "no nonsense Ms. Steer-itude" this week. And because I don't want to create 4 preps for myself, my 3 other classes will have to deal with it.

I am the youngest teacher at my school by AT LEAST 5 years, which puts me in a personal predicament. I want to be the hip, fun teacher that challenges her students, makes them think, and makes them like history. (Isn't that every teacher's dream???) So how do I make it my reality? How do I really transpose my love of history onto my students? Or how to I entertain and challenge them with history-related material for 60 minutes every day?

I have to keep reminding myself that teaching is a process and a journey. I won't be perfect this year, next year, or ever. But I can only work towards being better every day.

I love Sundays because they become my mental-health-education-philosophy-and-spirituality days. I feel refreshed. :)