I have many paper conferences scheduled with my sophomores, as their 2nd research paper is due this Friday. Yesterday I met with 2 young men who needed some help with the structure and analysis of their papers. Both of them told me how much I helped them, and how much I have taught them about how to write a history research paper. *beam*
And then I heard about 3 instances that pretty much made me lose all faith in teenagers:
- One girl asked to move a quiz because she got back from a tennis tournament at 10p. I found out later that she actually got back at 6p. Do I seriously need a note to corroborate a story every time some kid gives me an excuse?
- One boy has apparently been hanging around another class while he "goes to the bathroom/locker" during my class. I am SURE he is not the only one. I have gone out on a LIMB for this kid SO MANY TIMES. What the heck.
- 2 freshmen girls apparently complain daily about how stupid they think I am and about how they could "teach themselves" better than I am teaching them. One currently has an 85% and the other, a 75%. Apparently being "only 8 years older" than them is more indicative of my knowledge and ability than my 2 college degrees.
I am unsure about where this comes from. Why do kids think that this type of behavior is acceptable? Where in the world are they learning this disrespect?
Is it a generational thing? Is this just how kids "are" today? Is the generational gap SO HUGE between them and me? I don't remember kids being this cruel and disrespectful to adults, but maybe I was just extremely naive and didn't realize that kids actually were this way when I was in high school. Maybe I was brought up to respect adults and didn't ever even consider putting one toe out of line. Maybe kids today are just brought up with a sense of entitlement that comes from... who knows where??
Does it have to do with affluence? Kids walk around this school all the time bragging and boasting about how they got a new Mercedes for their 16th birthday, or how their house was featured on some MTV teen "cribs" show, or how their grandparents just got some memorial named after them due to a huge donation. This is exactly the reason I was concerned about coming to this school in particular. These kids have no concept of reality and are severely lacking some moral values. Life is not about money... at least not for me. I get so frustrated being around people who DO value money over other things, like kindness, respect, empathy... they are not the type of people I want to surround myself with. And yet here I am. Are these kids' affluent lives causing them to lash out in a wave of disrespect?
Or am I just ignorant to the fact that I may not be demanding respect? How do I do this? I always thought that when you give respect, you get respect. What else can I do for these kids? I respect them by believing what they tell me is true, and they take advantage of me. I respect them by carefully preparing and planning lessons to engage and educate them, and they insult my intelligence. Do I need to be a hard-nosed "mean" teacher for kids to have respect for me? What does it take?!
People keep telling me that "this is just how it is here for your first year... or two." I don't accept that excuse. Kids are being a-holes and someone needs to call them out. Apparently their parents aren't doing it. I AM SICK OF IT.
Not a good day for me. :( My confidence and morale is shot. I am ready for the year to be over.
8 comments:
I wish I had an answer for you...
What I CAN say with certainty is that this is NOT a problem only you face. Nor is it a problem only found among affluent teens. My charter school of 125 students, many of whom come from a completely different background than your students--socially, economically, etc.--is rife with the same sense of entitlement. I'm teaching the seniors this year, and I am flabbergasted by the amount of students who have to re-do their major senior presentations (that are required to graduate) because they thought...I don't even know what they thought! That they could do a horrible job on a presentation that was obviously created at the last minute and still graduate?
Have you tried being frank with them? My students seem to respond best when I express that their work (or lack thereof) is incredibly disrespectful and hurtful. They know I work hard for them, and they seem to feel guilty when I point out if they aren't doing the same in return. Sometimes you have to be told you're being an a-hole before you realize it, you know? Especially when you're a teen...
Take heart. Rest your mind in the positives, because as far as I'm concerned, the fact that you are clearly making strides with at least two students is HUGE step forward. You ARE a good teacher. You ARE appreciated by students. And think back...even we students who might have erred on the side of Goody Two Shoes made a snide comment about teachers every now and then, or fudged things a little to get an extension on an assignment :)
Caroline! Your blog is super interesting. I'm glad to see you kept it up in life post-MAC.
This most recent entry actually reminds me of my class's discussion in our first Diversity class yesterday, about students' sense of entitlement. It's definitely a little (a lot) disheartening to hear/see. Sorry to hear things were a little tough this past year. 2 degrees or not (which obviously is huge), I would say 8 years makes a lot of difference. Kids don't seem to realize how much you can change/learn/grow/know more than them in even a year!
Good luck with your next year!
I really appreciated your blog and as an aspiring teacher I thought your experience and your questions were amazing. It is so hard to understand what kids are thinking. Like the last commenter, I thought of the sense of entitlement it sounds like the children have as well. I often wonder where this sense of entitlement comes from myself. I do not think it is your own ignorance or the generation of the children. I am not sure about affluence, perhaps it plays a role, but I think maybe in some ways it is just a product of growing up in the new global information world of constant stimulation and communication. Perhaps, these children are just tying to find their way and nothing more. Of course, I don't know, just thinking out loud, but I really appreciate your experience and hope that you continue to update.
As a former journalist who's learning more about new media, I have some concerns about your blog. First, I was always taught as a reporter that even if you don't name a person, you can identify that person through the circumstances you describe. I think the students you mention would clearly be able to identify themselves if they read your blog. I find that troublesome.
So is the use of the term "a-holes..." If you are talking about respect, then you might want to avoid describing the students that way -- even if they're giving you a hard time...
Despite that, I understand your frustrations -- having living in both the inner city and the suburbs. I know I will encounter similar issues if I teach in the suburbs. You raise some interesting questions. I might have used a different method in raising them.
I also was a bit concerned about talking about specific students online where people can access your comments. Especially if the students are active on blogs and know that you have a blog.
With that said, I understand why you would be frustrated. However, I wonder if this is just one of those days when the kids were particularly frisky. I don't think its affluence. There's no one school where students are perfect or one age where the students are all behaving and doing what you want them to do. I also believe that the disrespect you received from them also could be because you were a student teacher. I remember vividly the way students felt about student teachers. So, perhaps they are disrespectful to you because of that.
I think the best method is not to create an environment where it is you vs. them. Take a step back and consider what you remember from when you were in their shoes. Always treat them with respect and also require them to teach you with respect. Be fair and don't allow for students to take advantage of you.
Even when they are misbehaving, try to think of the good things that you like about that student. Maybe you could ask them to stay after class and first talk about what they are really good at and then say that you find it disappointing that they act that way and you know that they can do better. Then ask them why they chose to behave that way, if its fair to you and what they would do if they were in your position. Maybe engaging them and really allowing them to be adults will get them to be aware of the results of their actions. Since you treated them with respect, they will most likely have a higher consideration of you and will eventually be less problematic. Good luck with your new year!
I suspect that there are a lot of reasons behind these behaviors - the affluence of your student body, typical adolescent behavior, and a generational sense of entitlement that cuts across age levels. Still, I think it is risky to assume that things were better in "the good old days." Having worked in a private school, my experience was that the parents sometimes aid and abet this sense of entitlement. The students are thought to have just as much credibility as the teachers. My only advice would be to find an experienced teacher in your school who can provide you with context and advice. I am a young, teacher-educator who is currently studying education in graduate school so I hardly have all the answers. I have found teaching to be an incredibly rewarding and meaningful experience, but it is never easy.
Hello Caroline. I may have some comments which are a little unsettling but they are "provocative" as Shari Saunders likes to mention. First, did you arrive at this teaching position with preconceived notions about affluent young people? Are you projecting your own thoughts to them? Perhaps your thoughts are to expect this behavior because of their SES. I have 4 sons and know many young people in this category and I know they would never disrespect a teacher or someone they respect that is around them. I and the other parents have instilled a knowledge of how to be mature. Perhaps it is not affluence, but not being taught manners. Also, we are taught to respect the interests of our students. If the tennis player was away at a tournament, would she have been able to study well. The time frame is perhaps trivial in this moment. Did she take the quiz and appear to do well because you respected her sport and utilized your generosity of time? Perhaps as their mentor and teacher you could begin to show the way to respect for teachers and others in charge and dialogue with them about the conflicting messages they may send? If you went out on a limb many time, your choice, perhaps it is time to take a harder stance, or remember the old age adage of "give an inch, take a mile". I am sure your classroom struggles are exasperating. The fact that you did reach 2 young people is your challenge to keep trying. Some are harder than others. I know we will be faced with these issues very soon. Keep up the good work.
i see where you're coming from in this blog post and definitely understanding how frustrating situations like the ones you mentioned can be, especially when you experience them daily. that being said, i have a bit of trouble with your assertion that "these kids have no concept of reality and are severely lacking some moral values." if i were in a similar situation, i'm sure my attitude might fall into step with yours at times; but because i'm an outsider looking in, i encourage you to think about how the structure of these students' lives are effecting the way they behave in your classroom and in your school... their "concept of reality" and "moral values" were likely formed just as yours were, from family, friends, and community. they are still young, no matter how old they try to act and appear, and their minds are soft enough to mold and shape!
try and encourage them to think outside themselves with an activity that utilizes their cultural context to engage in critical thought about their situation... if you were in a school with a low SES population, i think you would hesitate to make the same value judgements about your students as you are making here, because you'd give their current context a lot more weight. maybe if you give this same respect to your affluent students' cultural background, they may surprise you with their reactions.
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